A Grand Kardashian Krock!

But how could I not watch one of the biggest events to hit magazines since Katie became a princess?

Yesterday, I did not manage to do any writing. Sad face.

But it was not all grim news. After the chest pains subsided from being at work, and I managed to avoid having an apoplectic seizure on Hoddle Street, I was treated to the emotional joys of grand, especially heartfelt, genuinely legitimate wedding celebration.

What. A bunch. Of fucktards.

Look, I'm sure they are all possibly the world's nicest people, but if they are they should try to look less like emotional fuckwits on their "reality tv" show.

If one thing was clear after watching 4 hours of the Kardashian wedding, it was that having that much money and breast implants seriously inhibits your mental and emotional capacity. But it was like a train wreck – I couldn’t look away!! It got to a point where we were rating how much they loved each other based on every time they kissed; it was usually a number in the minus. When Kim Kardashian kissed her mother with more passion than she ever kissed the aptly named “Kris” I knew that this was:

a) Either a very disturbing relationship that she has with her mother, or
b) Not real

I’m going for not real. And here are my reasons:

1. Early on, Kim makes the comment that she bets Kris didn’t know she wore a retainer. Only several weeks before their wedding. The only reason for this can be that they have never spent much time together, specifically at night.

2. There was a very weak-willed, strangely defensive claim from Kris that they’ve had sex. I would hope so. And yet, combined with the aforementioned number one, this all becomes highly suspect.

3. Everyone in the whole show, regardless of who they are, has a key to Kim’s house. Except Kris. And they’re getting married. And he claims to live there when he's not living in Minnesota. Which actually seems to be most of the time. Weird.

4. His name, and his sister’s name, both conveniently start with a K.

This last fact is almost too convenient, and here is my theory:

I think that Kris, who, by the looks of it no longer has any other career to speak of, was hired by the show, and the Kardashians, to carry on the plotline of their highly organised, pedantically scripted life/lack-of-reality show. The fact that his name started with a K and was now poor sealed the deal, and this is also why they’re all so worried he’s going to steal all of her money.

OF COURSE HE IS!!

Aside from which, I’ve never seen a couple who seem to hate each other so much. SHE EVEN SAID SHE HATES HIM!!

Absolutely killer dresses though!

This is my impression of how the Kardashian-Hump marriage will turn out:



This is supposed to be a broken heart, not a conjoined foetus. Though if this thing really was for money, the broken heart thing is probably completely bogus in theory as well as illustration!

I do enjoy a trashy slice of Kardashian reality!!