Melbourne

In hues of crimson, scarlet hazy, the ire will rise like a phoenix wounded

Put your forgiveness on ice, like leftovers; the soft squelch of the seal of the freezer -

Close it up and forget about it; like a Tupperware coffin you’ll reserve the hate

For another meal; at -2 degrees; suspended

It crystalizes to a chilling dust as the frost would form on a bag of peas, young;

But hardened into shrivelled pebbles of gall, inedible.

Such is the feast to serve upon yourself– indelible

You will force the lumps down vehemently, your gullet gaping with a wound       

Of your own eviscerating fury – so young,

So advanced; an engine in need of antifreeze

So the boil and cold of it might be suspended

How prehistoric are the stalactites of your own self-hatred?

Every single frozen inch of you a measurement to hate:

Unforgiveable nerves sting with the incredible

Petrification; self-condemnation is a bitch suspended

High above the mouldy rub of an ancient wound

A long, discoloured, loping frieze

Around the amygdala and back again – race you there. Oh, to be young!

Those youths who sauté layers without repentance - the blind young

Whose eyes don’t feel the sharp and pungent bite - so unknowing of themselves to hate

Whilst I’ve long had my heart in the freezer

Cushioned by the sharp and lumpy and inedible

Deficiencies – of what I did, and who I am and what I am yet to do; that is my wound:

The grouse over deeds as yet suspended

They crawl the halls of neurons not yet electrified. But wait for it! There! The world upended

Like I’ve grabbed for the bag with a hole in it; the young

Peas, green and brittle and wounded

Bouncing on the linoleum, cascades of self-loathing tapping with their pure hate hate hate

Inedible.

But I will make myself eat it, every mouthful. Because fuck you and I said so. And the freeze-

Dried pits of despair that melt and weep and sluice between my toes, the freezer

Breaks. Relief is suspended

Reversing; pulsing, pulsating, protracting; young

But ancient – a dread so newly recognised. Indelible

A veritable stew of seething hate

Reaches boiling point on the floor; a never ending wound.

Would that I could suspend; a hatred so young and primitive; knowledge of deeds as small as the stones in a freezer-bag of peas; a wounded fucking cunt. Inedible. Indelible. Incredible pain.