The waiting game ...

Things I am waiting for:

For my last five cheques from Woman's Day to arrive.

The ability to afford a 2011-model Mini Cooper S Cabrio convertible, yellow, with groovy racing stripes. Or a Ferrari. (Don't think those five cheques will cover either, though my head is franticallly trying to make them stretch that far!)

For life to circumvent beyond the space-time continuum, thus ensuring everything I want is what happens in reality. And therefore, five cheques from Woman's Day equals that 190,000 pound red Ferrari Italia I saw on Top Gear. Want.

And gypsy blessings are for real.

For my body to accept that chocolate is not a fattening food, and to react accordingly as I stuff said substance down my throat. (Cadbury Duo - you are the bomb.)

Retirement. Early.

For any reason that I might need to go back to Italy. Low airfares count as a reason, and so does running out of Clinique – ultra cheap in Firenze – and dire cravings for prosciutto and panini. And Italian dream Boat. None of which have yet presented themselves.

For someone to throw a cream pie in my face. But not at my wedding.

For my wedding. Which is, at this point, strictly hypothetical. Waiting for it not to be!!

Essere fluente nella lingua di Italiano. (Saro aspettare un lungo tempo!)

For my life to resemble a Disney movie. Am prepared to sing if necessary, and thwart evil. Am not applying to be evil character.

For bananas to be cheaper than heroin. Or else I'm going to have to start sprinkling heroin on my breakfast cereal. (Come on - weetbix needs something!)

To have five minutes to write my book, make one point five million dollars, win every major literary prize known to man (even though my book isn't strictly literature) and therefore, through fame and riches, accomplish all other points on my list. Because rich people don't get fat, and can afford both bananas AND heroin AND Italian dreamboats. And gyspy blessings are unnecessary bonuses that simply ensure the cream pie happens when least expected and is very diverting.

Holidays. During which I pledge to find these five minutes and make all of the above come true. Except maybe the literary awards.

And the heroin. No interest in that if there are bananas, which of course there will be. Or even if there aren't.

Three more days. THREE MORE DAYS!!! Someone needs to Fed-Ex me a Friday PRONTO!!!

So basically, waiting for Friday :-)