*SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR*!!!!!
Think F word, think S word, think C word - and I am NOT talking about my recent forray into using vegetables as substitutes for my filthy language! This is the real deal, people! Take cover!!!! KMO is NOT HAPPY JAN!!! I don't actually have anything more interesting to say than these hysterical ramblings, so some of you may just want to close the link now. And I also warn you that this post may contain images of dead people. Because I am ready to kill someone!
Greetings from Dubai International Airport! Some people, when they go on holidays, stay in hotels. I stay in frigging airports!
For the second night in a row, I am trying to position my carry on bag so it makes a comfy headrest, as I jam the small of my back into an armrest, and hope that I can get some sleep in the world's most uncomfortable chairs. For the second night in a row, I am downing rotten espressos as I fight sleep amidst crazy people. Because surely only crazy people actually sleep in airports.
For the second night in a row, I am that crazy person!!! Forget having conversations with myself in Italian - this is way more indicative of instability!! Oh my God! How have I gone from FLORENCE to an airport?! Christ!
I'm starting to feel like I should be seeking asylum or something. Hey, maybe when I get back, because I'm now so incomprehensible in any language, the Australian government will send me to Christmas Island!! I could do with a hunger strike right now!
Note to public: I jest because I am tired, and if I don't laugh I will become hysterical. And throw things. And maybe sob. Which would be very bad as I have no tissues, and don't need the runny nose issues. And I am sure I will then sit next to someone who is extremely good looking, when I already look less than top quality. So crying is not allowed!!!! I have no feelings of joy (wrong word but I SO can't think of what I am trying to say right now) about asylum seeker policy in Australia usually. And I have no idea how this blog just became political. I hate politics at five am in the morning. It was less painful talking about it in Italian. That is SAYING something!!
In short, I just missed my connection from Duabi to Melbourne. I was 15 hours early to Heathrow, but the plane was 2 hours late. Cavolo! Now I'm wondering the terminal and trying not to take out my credit card, which is generally what I do when I'm this tired and stroppy. Actually, that's a lie - I have never been shopping whilst feeling this tired. I've never been anywhere but bed!!
Dear Jeses: please give me my bed. Amen.
I just spelt Jesus wrongly, but I don't care. Maybe someone else who's actually called Jeses will hear my plea. As I don't believe in either person, it's no less likely! I feel so sorry for myself right now, and I am sure that scary gypsy in the purple coat is behind all this. She's probably been following my blog and knows I diss her on a regular basis :-) Mi dispiace.
Anyway, this is getting out of hand. I am just ranting. But once again, another unplanned blog post at five am in the morning! Time to go and cash some euros and buy some Arabian coffee - from what I remember, it wasn't half bad. And though I drank it pre Italy, it's post England. Do the math! (Starbucks in London should be forced through the gates of hell for all eternity. Disgustoso! Loro sono un criminine contro umanita'!) At the very least, they are a crime against people who have an addiction to high grade caffeine. Do you give a high-class coke addict washing detergent? I don't THINK so!!!
Still, trying to stay positive. Pfft! What good has happened thus far? I suppose I did get to watch La Bella E' La Bestia on the plane, in Italian, as I promised I would! It was hysterical!!!! Must hang on to that moment of pure glee when Belle starts singing about her vita di provincia. And the fact that they mix up Bongiorno and Bonjour because, sometimes, Italian just doesn't fit. ("Tutto qui, l'bel paesino! ogni die li non cambiare mai! Il cosi della gente vivi con semplicità ... BONJOUR!!")
Next movie I watch should be The Terminal. I didn't like it, but I'm starting to relate to it. I need some tips on how to sleep, eat food other than McDonalds and 4 day old croissants, and not go completely insane! You really will see me on television soon - I'll be the one one carrying two suitcases and speaking a third, equally unintelligable language: stark-raving-sleep-deprived-crazy!!
Can I go home now? :-( I'll even go to Christmas Island! Amen.
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