For those of you who know me well, I think the title of this entry says it all really. You might even ask how I could state something so obvious. Am I kidding? I can't read a Melways, of COURSE I can't read a map that's written in another language! But when the 24 hour hop on/hop off bus pass I'd been cruising Dubai on ran out, and I was summarily kicked off just one stop short of my destination, I thought: one stop – can't be that far. And it probably wasn't. I'll never know now. For, as I sit here writing this entry two and a half hours after I set off from that lonely bus stop, full of confidence that – though in Arabic, it looked like one straight road – my feet are cramped, clothes are thick with dust, and I am, it turns out, on the other side of town from where I should be. Literally – if I was supposed to be going east I am west; north, I am south. I don't know which direction I WAS supposed to be going, so I'm giving you a broad picture.
(I am spatially retarded. And before you chide me for being so politically incorrect, consider how right I am and let it go. Never was a truer word spoken! Amen.)
It's a funny thing, the old tourist map: kinda useless really as, even when some of the roads on the map are written in English, they're Arabic on the roads themselves. Or there are more roads in reality than there are on the map, which is just plain confusing when the best hope you have is to count the blocks you're walking. I was in trouble from the start, as I didn't even get the one straight road right in the first place! In actual fact, I got lost twice, for I eventually did have that moment of clarity where a road with an English name matched a road on the map, and I realised I wasn't in Kansas any more – and I was nowhere near bloody Oz, either. But, ever the resourceful upbeat traveller (honestly!) after quelling my desire to throw a massive hissy fit in front of some Sheiks, which would have involved ripping up my map, swearing profusely, and more tears – which I'm not allowed to do today – I picked another point on the map that I was clearly moving towards, and decided to make an excursion of it. The road I was on would eventually hit the river. If I just kept going straight, I would hit the river too. That sounded nice.
SO WHERE WAS THE FREAKING RIVER???
In summary, I have come to the conclusion that it can't possibly be me. I can walk in a straight line, after all, and I haven't been drinking or smoking any kind of illicit substance. Therefore, as maps are the work of the devil, I am clearly being toyed with by evil. This isn't my fault. This is the universe conspiring to undo me. What a bitch!
To back up this claim, I have as evidence the 7 people I stopped to ask directions of as I realised I was lost again. They clearly didn't know how to get to the river on a straight road either, as they all gave me different directions and none of them got me there. There was a funny moment though when, turning the map upside down on the off-chance it might actually present me with more clarity, a gentleman peering over my shoulder remarked “you're reading it upside down.” Thanks Einstein! He proceeded to give me the worst directions of all!
But I did have a pleasant walk through the city, got to chat to some random people, and filled in a couple of hours in the sunshine. And best of all, I came across another shopping mall that, again, is nowhere near where I should be: east west, south north. (Shopping malls are like an Oasis in this city, and I am liking Dubai more and more!) Beyond this unplanned adventure, I took a trip out to the Palm island today, took in the beach and attempted to get some good shots of Dubai's great monuments – that famous hotel that looks like a sail, and the Burj Khalfi. Or something! Now I am relaxing in a coffee shop with free wi-fi until I get hungry enough to go out for some shawarma. Good times!
And I am definitely taking a taxi home!
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